If you were ever curious what it’s like for me, a 23-year-old girl that lives in Europe, the continent that suffers from a lot of terrorism attacks I am here to explain my deepest feelings about this sensitive subject. I want to share my personal feelings with the world today, this is 100% my opinion and might not connect with yours (and that’s totally okay).
Before writing this down I did some research where all the terroristic attacks found place and when they started. It sickens me that there is a list on Wikipedia that tells me these were Islamistic terrorist attacks as Islam has nothing to do with it.. This has been said before and I believe 100% that the attackers – IS – aren’t Moslim (although they believe they are). They shout “Allahu Akbar”, but I’m sure no God ever would’ve wanted someone to destroy random people for Him as this is not what religion thought us or atleast not what I was teached.
I am scared. I remember the first time I got scared that a terrorist attack would happen, this was back in December, 2016 in Amsterdam. When I got to the Dam – this is the big square at Madam Tussauds – I got scared. It has a lot of open space and all I could think was “Someone can just ride us over in a second”, there was nothing that could’ve stopped them and there was nothing that stopped them in the past.
After attacking France a couple of times, they hit Belgium on March 22, 2016.
This was a difficult experience for me as I work nearby the airport. The moment the explosion found place I heard and felt something that felt a bit like a very loud truck drove by, little did I know it were bomb explosions.
After that I heard the news on the radio and felt anxiety crawling up on me. It was difficult for me because it could’ve been me, going on vacation or dropping someone off at the airport. The only thing on my mind was how lucky I am to be alive and no one I love got hurt but how angry I (still) am for all the ones who lost their parents, children, grandparents, friends, lovers.
How does this affect me as a young girl who’s finding her way in the world?
If only I knew myself. It’s happening all around us and I think it affects everyone in some sort of way. I remember the years before this started and it was a lot more care-free. Before this started all I worried about was not going in to weird alleys or places by myself as a female, I think that’s the only time I felt unsafe on the streets before the terrorism attacks started. I now often worry about big open spaces too or places that are crowdy, where they can make a lot of victims.
I decided I don’t want children (for now). This is what the world of today made me decide. It was a hard decision but I just don’t want to be worried twenty-four/seven about my child going out for shopping or clubbing and never returning. I understand that this is having children but what also joins in on the worries are terrorism. How is our world going to evolve? Will it get better? If it does, if they somehow manage to destroy them, I can/will reconsider my choice. If it gets worse, I’ll be happy not to have children because I would hate for my child to be unhappy or worried because there is going to be a war or an terroristic attack. I just can’t bring myself to that and it would make me unhappy too that my child can’t be fully happy. I am aware of the fact that every child can be unhappy without terrorism due to mental illnesses but that’s a risk I want to take. This is my personal decision, as long as this is going on, I’m not going to make my parents grandparents (and they totally understand).
In the meantime, I’m just trying to live my life to the fullest. Every moment can be your last even if there wouldn’t be any terrorism.
I want to remind you to be kind, you don’t know what someone else is going through. Let your anger go, be nice to each other. We can’t help fight terrorism but we can help each other feeling happy. You like someone their outfit? You go and tell them, be that kind stranger. Be the one who can make that change. Ask someone how they’re doing because that might be the one thing they need that day.
Thank you for giving this a read. If you have any thoughts you want to share with me about this (or any other subject) please don’t hesitate.
All drawings are by Chrostin